Monday, February 12, 2007

Working Out

Yeah, so working out. UGH! I swear I was sick half the month of January and that was a GREAT excuse to not get my assenormous out of bed and to the gym. B-I-G mistake! It would be so much easier if I just didn't have to get out of bed to do it!
Here's the deal. The only time I can find to take care of myself is around 5am. Sucks ass! Seriously. Here I am, it's almost 10pm and I'm not even in bed yet. My alarm will go off at 4:45am. Why you ask? Because I roll out of bed looking all gawd awful and shake my azzz out into the cold. I have a routine. At least 3 days a week I walk with my friend Kim in the darkness of the morning and the freezing cold. Then a couple of days a week I drive down to Body Exchange to do my hour of cardio/weight. That's a horrible name for a gym since I've been going 2 years faithfully and still have an ass the size of Montana. Oh well. Back to the real deal...
This past month has been hit or miss when it comes to my work out. I have NOT wanted to get out of bed. Even with my husband's snoring. I'd rather stay there and hold the pillow over his head than do anything to get my adrenaline rushing. Someone please tell me what has gone wrong? At least I have used my home elliptical. It's good in a pinch, but being at home makes it too easy to become distracted and get off "early". My girl Kim has been even more of a slacker than me. She's supposed to keep me accountable. Huh... I haven't heard from her today, so I guess that means she's not ready to jump back into the groove. Or should I say she's not ready to jump out of bed at the butt-crack of dawn to walk really fast and see how much "girl talk" we can fit into one hour.
Tomorrow I'll be on my elliptical since I have to be at work early on Tuesdays. Wednesday is a new day. With or without Kim, I'm going to get my swing back. That is, unless, my bed keeps me hostage and makes me hit the snooze til 6am...

Saturday, February 10, 2007

How we get where we are...

Remember that feeling that love was EVERYTHING? Like seriously, all there was and all you thought you needed. What happened to the excitement of that 1st love? Have you ever asked yourself this? I can honestly say that I don't. I mean don't get me wrong... I would NEVER discount that very important journey. I'm sure that my experience was unique. How many people can say that their 1st love died in a car accident on Valentine's Day when they were 16? Yeah... I'm thinking not many. Tragic. Life changing. That's what I remember about my 1st love. That took a while to get over. It will be 20 years on Wednesday. I still remember it like it was yesterday.
I think in some ways it still haunts me. I could have been in one of those cars that rainy night. I wasn't. Eleven of my friends were. Six of them died. I didn't.
Here I am, 20 years later. I have the greatest husband. I have two damn near perfect kids. I have an awesome house, nice cars, a dream job. I also have the knowledge that everywhere I've been has brought me here. The good AND the bad have led me to where I am. I appreciate every bit of it. It's how I got here.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Scared

OK, so I have a sister. My sister has 3 kids. I have an unbelievable attachment to these kids. Technically, they are my niece and my nephews, but actually, I couldn't love them any more if I'd birthed them myself. Now, I know that people have nieces and nephews that they love. I don't think I'm *special*. But I sure think those kids are ; )

Recently, I broke down and opened up a myspace account. My husband had one, some friends had one, and after I checked theirs out, I realized that its only a bad place if you allow it to be. So I broke down and did it. I spend hours "pimping it" (learned that from my niece...) and making it "fly" (that too). Then I started added my myspace friends. First was my husband, then my boy Ryan, then my sister... I had to wait a few days to get my niece and nephew added because we all have "private" spaces that had to be "accepted". Haley's was cute. Your typical 17 year old myspace. Nothing too out there. I was proud!

Masons.... Um... let's just say I was shocked beyond belief. His user pic was Tupac. WTF is that all about??? My sweet boy. Apparently, I was out of touch. Now back up (just a millisecond) the last time he had logged on was a couple of months ago and my sis had said he rarely gets online, but seriously. He had 101 "friends" and at least 30 of them had total thuggish profiles with gang references. I cried. A lot. This was a topic that we had discussed back at Christmas, but I guess I didn't understand the seriousness of his situation. Every time I'm around him, he's a darling 13 year old playing with his cousins or showing off on the football field. Apparently, at school, he's a different kid :(

I called my sister the next day and asked her if she'd ever checked out his site. She said he never goes on there and she hadn't really paid much attention. A long conversation ensued... It ended with her giving me his login info and me going home and re-doing his site. No more Tupac. His background is football. His user pic now him before a game. I didn't *edit* his friends, because I felt that would be to invasive and that was something he should do with his mom. When I was done, I felt somewhat better but uneasy....

A few days later, Mase got suspended from school for fighting. Lovely. Now I can't say much about that because even *I* was suspended from school once for fighting. (I know, I know...) So I decided to go back to his myspace. I know you're probably screaming invasion of privacy. Shut up. He hadn't logged on since I changed stuff. He may still not even know. But there was was a comment on his user pic. I read it. It said, "Fuck the Roadrunners." The Roadrunners is his football team. I went to the profile of the thug who left this comment. Total gang appearance. Quotes on "Red for life. Put a bullet in a blue boy's head". So on... I became physically ill. So I went back to my nephew's friends page and started deleting. Everyone that had a thug profile. I called my sister.

I know that deleting these kids from his myspace will not save him. But seriously. It's all I could do from 200 miles away and I had to do something. Mase is a good kid. He's at a point in his life where he's either going to take the good path or the bad. I don't know what to do to steer him in the right path. Hell there were a few "thug friends" I couldn't delete because they are his cousins. One of them dead killed in a drive-by... Sad for sure.

Anyway, I feel better to get this off my chest. I'm not giving up, though...

Monday, February 05, 2007

100 Things about Karla

Here are 100 things you may like to know about me. Some things are pretty obvious and I'm sure a few things will make you laugh. Either way, enjoy!

100. My middle name is Rae
99. That is also my dad and grandpa's middle names.
98. I'm pretty sure my dad really wanted me to be a boy.
97. I'm actually a really girly-girl.
96. Not as in frills and lace, but like in make up and pampering.
95. I do love sports though.
94. Football is my all-time favorite.
93. I got my love for football from my mom and not my dad. Go figure!
92. I'm a sucker for a guy with a sweet smile and a nice ass.
91. I also find hot and sweaty pretty sexy.
90. Number 91 and 92 add to my love of watching football ; )
89. I 'm a "hugger".
88. I truly believe that a good strong hug can completely fix a bad moment.
87. I am a romantic at heart.
86. I met my husband on December 26th 1995.
85. We had our 1st kiss on February 15th 1996.
84. I still get butterflies in my stomach when he kisses me.
83. I knew the 1st time I met him that I wanted to marry him.
82. It took him almost 3 years to figure that out.
81. We were married on March 20th 1999.
80. I never wanted a big wedding.
79. We have a daughter and a son.
78. Our daughter was at our wedding.
77. I have a sister who is 6 years older than me.
76. She used to beat the crap out of me when I was little.
75. She'd never let anyone else lay a hand on me though.
74. Some days I feel sad that my daughter will never know the bond that comes with having a sister.
73. I wouldn't trade having a son for the whole wide world.
72. I honestly remember praying to God the day I found out I was pregnant to give me a boy.
71. My husband wanted another girl.
70. I always wanted to have 3 kids.
69. My husband only wanted 2 kids?
68. So far, that is the only argument he has ever won.
67. I'd adopt another child right now if I could afford it.
66. My husband thinks I'm crazy for this.
65. I think I have more than enough love to go around.
64. I am a very caring person.63. That might be one of the reasons I became a nurse.
62. I think I'm a good listener. 61. I think everyone should have one person that they can talk to.
60. Like REALLY talk to.
59. I'd have never survived high school if I didn't have people who I could talk to.
58. When I was 16 years old, my boyfriend was killed in a car accident.
57. It happened on Valentine's Day.
56. It still hurts me after 20 years.
55. I was not very nice to him on the night he died.
54. That was a really sucky way to learn a lesson.
53. Now I go out of my way to make sure that people know I care about them.
52. Life is too short to live with regrets.
51. I grew up in a very small town.
50. I was a cheerleader in high school.
49. I cheered in the Hula Bowl my senior year.
48. I met Troy Aikman there.
47. He wasn't as hot as I expected him to be
46. I graduated in the top 5 of my high school class.
45. But didn't manage to get any scholarships for college.
44. I have friends that live all over the country.
43. We chat online everyday.
42. They all know more about me than most people I see on a daily basis.
41. I love traveling to new places.
40. I hope I have the opportunity to travel a lot in my lifetime.
39. I love my job.
38. I take my work very seriously.
37. I am one of the most responsible persons you'll ever meet.
36. When I turned 30, one of my friends told me that I'd been 30 for 10 years already.
35. I still don't know if that was a compliment or an insult.
34. I don't do drugs… unless you count alcohol.
33. In which case, Lemon Drop Martinis and wine are my preferred drugs. Or beer I like an ice cold beer every once in a while.
32. I did smoke pot once.
31. I was in Jamaica and it was legal.
30. I've had plastic surgery on my tummy.
29. I exercise three or four times a week.
28. I don't smoke.
27. I overuse the phrase: Are you high?
26. I don't like naps.
25. It takes me forever to fall asleep after sex.
24. Unless I'm expected to stay awake….
23. I prefer to be too cold over too hot.
22. I'm double-jointed (at the hips).
21. My parents are still married.
20. They probably shouldn't be.
19. That's one of the reasons I waited until I was older to marry.
18. My blue eyes are my best feature.
17. I get irritated by people who are disrespectful.
16. I like harmony (can't we all just get along?)
15. I live vicariously through others.
14. I'm addicted to coffee.
13. My husband feeds my addiction.
12. I have a very strong personality.
11. If a friend were to describe me they would probably say "What you see is what you get."
10. I'm not one to beat around the bush about things.
9. This has gotten me in trouble on more than one occasion.
8. I sing in my car.
7. Loudly.
6. I like to dance.
5. I love all kinds of music.
4. I'm a pretty good cook. Not gourmet... but to my knowledge, no one has ever barfed from my cooking.
3. I like to have a clean house.
2. I like a well placed tattoo on a man.
1. I've always wanted a tattoo but I'm way too chicken to get one.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Butterflies...

Ok, so I love my husband. No seriously... I love my husband, LOL. Duh... I'm not retarded. I know a woman is supposed to love her husband, but I've loved my husband for 11 years. Yes. ELEVEN YEARS. Ha! Who'd have known?
The reason I'm bringing this up is because we met the day after Christmas in 1995... we started "dating" the day after Valentine's Day 1996. I still remember our 1st kiss like it was yesterday. We were in my car (1995 Nissan 240SX - man that was a hot car) in his driveway. I can still remember those butterflies I had in my stomach just wondering if he was going to kiss me. I was 25 freakin' years old and I felt like a silly highschool girl at that moment. When my best friend Mari (if you really know me you've heard the story how he really wanted to go out with her) came out of his house she just knew. I can still hear her say to me on the drive home, "Seriously? It's about freakin' time." That was 11 years ago. We're still kissing. I still get butterflies!
We went out last night. We had a nice dinner at Mama Tosca's (I had a little too much to drink, but I think that's a whole different blog) then to a late movie. As we were getting dressed to go, I couldn't stop thinking about that 1st kiss. I still get butterflies! Amazing. I'm so very thankful that he decided to make that move when we were sitting in my car in his driveway that night. I'm so glad that we stuck it out through the hard times during those first few years. Yes, I'm even glad that he trapped me and married me I'm blessed and so very thankful for the butterflies...

Friday, February 02, 2007

Live and love like there's no tomorrow

OK, so it's no secret that I work in what a lot of people consider a "depressing place". I can't really say I agree with that, but I do understand why people would think it. Cancer SUCKS, but I've never felt depressed about my place of employment. If anything, working there for the past 4 1/2 years has taught me a lot about myself, my strength, and how even the littlest joys are still just that... JOYS!
Don't get me wrong. I've had days where I can't stop crying. I've had nights where I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about one of my patients. Even still, I wouldn't trade where I work for anything.
Today, a friend of mine led me to read this: Jennifer Ireland Today wasn't the first time I'd known of or heard about or read a story like this. This is different, though... This touched me in a way I didn't expect. In ways I never believed. Tonight I'll pray for Jennifer Ireland. I'll pray for her husband and her beautiful little girls and her family and friends.
I'll also thank God (again... and again) for my blessings. There are a lot of trivial things that I may stress about but at the end of the day I know I'm blessed. And greatful. Live and love like there is no tomorrow. This is my plan....