Feeling better...

I admit it.  I was beginning to think this day might never come.  Despite myself, I am actually starting to feel better.  I've been exercising. (bleck) Eating better. Carting my kids around. Sleeping less. Doing more. Yep almost back to normal!  Two weeks ago, I'd have sworn this wouldn't be possible.  Two weeks ago, not only did I feel like I was going to die, I wanted to.  I made peace with the Lord and was *ready* if he was ready.  I was that bad.  I'm slowly moving past it, though. 

Now if you know me... even slightly... you know that the S-L-O-W-L-Y part might kill me.  I'm instant gratification girl and this recovery has been sloooooooooooow. I'm not good at doing slow. Honestly. I don't even want to be good at doing slow. But, I guess I have to do whatever it takes to stay very far away from the hospital.  I'll do slow. One day at a time.  For two weeks. Then I'm back to work and it all best be back to normal.

Do I really have to call him Master???

My husband completed his MPA program and went through his graduation ceremony last night. Yes. Charles now has his Master's Degree.

He doesn't look any different. Well, unless you count the 2 hours at the ceremony where he had to wear the lovely black gown and graduation cap and the new "hood" that he received to note his masterous achievement. I'll forgive him of this short lived fashion faux pas.

He doesn't act any different. Nope. He's still the same ole Charles. Laid-back, easy-going, and he's still a kid at heart. The only difference now is that he has a piece of paper that says he's "highly educated". That's right... it doesn't matter that he can't spell even with the aid of spell-check to save his life. He's highly educated. Even though I get more answers right when we watch jeopardy and wheel of fortune... he's highly educated. Even though I read and re-read and edited all those papers that earned him is diploma... he's highly educated.

So no. No. Even though I have never been more proud of him than I was the minute his name was called and he walked across the stage to receive his diploma... I will NOT be calling him Master!

Maybe I really AM falling apart...

Ok, so, in the not so distant past I wrote about THIS Apparently, I spoke too soon. What was I thinking? I know better than to open my big mouth like that. Yep... that's right... I jinxed myself and had surgery #9 on June 1st. See - when I do things. I go ALL OUT.
Now, for those of you who have ever considered a hysterectomy, I had a partial and for me it was pretty much a piece of cake. What I do NOT recommend is having an emergency appendectomy 12 days later. Seriously. Take my word for it and DO NOT DO THIS! It really screws up your life. The surgery itself wasn't so bad. Not a lot of pain involved, unless you count the horrible 3 day illness and 2 emergency room visits that preceded this surgery. What is does to a 37 year old woman's body - pure H-E-L-L. I'm telling you, I feel like I was hit by a bus then hit again. Wiped out. I thought I'd feel better each passing day, but unfortunately, speed doesn't seem to be a part of this particular recovery process.
I went to the doctor yesterday... the follow up appointment to my 1st surgery. You know the appointment where I was supposed to be released to go back to work. HA! No going back to work for me. Four more weeks of recovery time is what he's suggested. Lovely. I'm doing my best to take it easy. I have a great group of family and friends who have pitched in lots of help.
I guess for now I'm going to take a piece of my own advice and take care of me... I mean, honestly, I don't have very many removable body parts left!

Another school year gone...

Today was the last day of school... (technically Luke still has 2 more days but they are party days :)  I guess that makes me officially the mother of a 5th grader and a 1st grader. (AND the wife of an unemployed teacher, but that's a whole different blog for a different day)

Aren't they the cutest Koreans you've ever seen?

The minute she walked in the door this afternoon, Miss Ava announced that she is now a 5th grader. Apparently this is a big deal. In her 9 year life, this is a huge deal. Like, GINORMOUS! She's growing up. FIFTH GRADE. She wants to pick her own clothes and do her own hair and talk on the phone with her friends. She doesn't want to be my baby girl anymore. I'm not sure I'm ready. Not that that matters. I promised myself on the day that she was born that I would always allow her to be her own person. I would guide her and hopefully lead her through a beautiful path, but I would not hinder her from learning her own life's lessons. That was an easy promise to make back when she was a helpless little crying creature in her bassinet. I've never broken a promise. At least not knowingly... This might be the hardest promise I've ever had to keep.

Now Luke... he seems to care less that this school year has ended. It's like he doesn't even conceive that in August he will be in 1st grade in a brand new school. Nope. He's still my little boy. All I have to do is throw a football with him and I am the best mom ever. How easy is that? I wonder if that will still be all it takes for him to still think I'm awesome on his last day of 4th grade...

When did this child learn to read???

Luke: Momma. You spelled happy wrong.

Me: Really? Where?

Luke: Right there. On the top of your computer. It says The Happa Life.  But with an "a" instead of a "y".

Me: It is SUPPOSED to be Happa with an "a".  It's our life.  

Luke: That's just weird.  I don't get it. How is our life happa and not happ'y'??? 

Me: Cuz you're a Happa.

Luke: No sir. I'm a boy.  

 

Me: Daddy says that you and your sister are BOTH Happas.  Because you are (in my worst Asian accent) hapa dis and hapa dat!  You know... you're half Korean and half Caucasian. 

Luke: You and Daddy are both weird.... (as he exits from reading over my shoulder to play PS2)

Are we weird?  We are a mixed race family. An "inter-racial" couple. I'm white. He's Asian. Our kids are mixed.  We joke about race in our house.  Not really in derogatory terms, but we make light of situations on a regular basis. 

I'm still not convinced that my children know exactly what they "are".  Wait. I take that back.  They know that they are half Korean and half Caucasian.  But at 9 and 6, I'm not sure they have a grasp that there are people that consider them different.  My children will both tell you (and believe it) that they look EXACTLY like their momma -except they don't have blue eyes.  They don't.  I mean, as they get older, it is finally apparent that I was present at their conception, but to say that they look like me is quite the overstatement. 

It always makes me giggle inside, though. I love how they aren't really in tune with stereotypical differences in appearances.  Maybe the world needs more Happas 

Slowly falling apart...

I had surgery on May 20th.  It wasn't my first surgery or my second, third or fourth.  It was my 8th!!  OK. Three of the surgeries were to remove babies from my body but that really doesn't make me feel any better...  

"Am I falling apart?"

My doctor says No.  He just thinks I am "in-tune" with my body and I'm "aware when things are out of whack".  He said that it's a good sign I actually take care of myself and get things taken care of before they take over.  

Whatever... blah... blah... blah...

So now - I am minus a uterus and the tumors entombed in that uterus.  There will be no more biological children in my future.  Not that I want to get rid of my current husband and search out a new man to provide me with sperm to conceive a child with my own biology.  But it still makes me sad to think that part of my life is over.  

...BUT

There is a bright side!  NO MORE PMS : )  

Writing Really IS Therapeutic!

So why don't I do it more often???  Life gets in the way... Stupid answer.  Life is what I like to write about.  It helps me get things off my chest.  I don't do it because I want the whole world to know what's going on. I just do it because I'm not good with whining and sometimes you just need to emotionally purge.

I think this may be why I am where I am.  It has been too long since I have allowed myself to let it out.  Could that be why I feel like I've recently fallen in a manhole and no one knows I'm here??? Oh yeah.  Absolutely!!!  Even still, I don't think I'm ready to let it all out. Just yet. I still need time to analyze the crap out of it.  See where I'm going with it.  What the next step will bring.  Then.  Maybe. I will have a good emotional vomit.

Until then. I'll just keep writing in my head.