Scared

OK, so I have a sister. My sister has 3 kids. I have an unbelievable attachment to these kids. Technically, they are my niece and my nephews, but actually, I couldn't love them any more if I'd birthed them myself. Now, I know that people have nieces and nephews that they love. I don't think I'm *special*. But I sure think those kids are ; )

Recently, I broke down and opened up a myspace account. My husband had one, some friends had one, and after I checked theirs out, I realized that its only a bad place if you allow it to be. So I broke down and did it. I spend hours "pimping it" (learned that from my niece...) and making it "fly" (that too). Then I started added my myspace friends. First was my husband, then my boy Ryan, then my sister... I had to wait a few days to get my niece and nephew added because we all have "private" spaces that had to be "accepted". Haley's was cute. Your typical 17 year old myspace. Nothing too out there. I was proud!

Masons.... Um... let's just say I was shocked beyond belief. His user pic was Tupac. WTF is that all about??? My sweet boy. Apparently, I was out of touch. Now back up (just a millisecond) the last time he had logged on was a couple of months ago and my sis had said he rarely gets online, but seriously. He had 101 "friends" and at least 30 of them had total thuggish profiles with gang references. I cried. A lot. This was a topic that we had discussed back at Christmas, but I guess I didn't understand the seriousness of his situation. Every time I'm around him, he's a darling 13 year old playing with his cousins or showing off on the football field. Apparently, at school, he's a different kid :(

I called my sister the next day and asked her if she'd ever checked out his site. She said he never goes on there and she hadn't really paid much attention. A long conversation ensued... It ended with her giving me his login info and me going home and re-doing his site. No more Tupac. His background is football. His user pic now him before a game. I didn't *edit* his friends, because I felt that would be to invasive and that was something he should do with his mom. When I was done, I felt somewhat better but uneasy....

A few days later, Mase got suspended from school for fighting. Lovely. Now I can't say much about that because even *I* was suspended from school once for fighting. (I know, I know...) So I decided to go back to his myspace. I know you're probably screaming invasion of privacy. Shut up. He hadn't logged on since I changed stuff. He may still not even know. But there was was a comment on his user pic. I read it. It said, "Fuck the Roadrunners." The Roadrunners is his football team. I went to the profile of the thug who left this comment. Total gang appearance. Quotes on "Red for life. Put a bullet in a blue boy's head". So on... I became physically ill. So I went back to my nephew's friends page and started deleting. Everyone that had a thug profile. I called my sister.

I know that deleting these kids from his myspace will not save him. But seriously. It's all I could do from 200 miles away and I had to do something. Mase is a good kid. He's at a point in his life where he's either going to take the good path or the bad. I don't know what to do to steer him in the right path. Hell there were a few "thug friends" I couldn't delete because they are his cousins. One of them dead killed in a drive-by... Sad for sure.

Anyway, I feel better to get this off my chest. I'm not giving up, though...